The Hidden Danger of Friendships

Everyone knows the saying, you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. 

But here’s WHY it’s so much more than that. 

A study from New England Journal of Medicine showed the spread of obesity through social networks. Data showed that if your friend becomes obese, then YOU are 45% more likely to gain weight over the next four years.

But here is where it gets crazier. Even if a friend of your friend gains weight, YOU are still 20% more likely to gain weight. Further, if a friend of a friend of your friend is obese, you are 10% more likely to gain weight. 

Just think about that for a second. 

A similar relationship exists with smoking. 

• 1st Degree: Your friend smokes = 61% more likely you smoke
• 2nd Degree: A friend of your friend smokes = 29% more likely you smoke
• 3rd Degree: A friend of a friend of your friend smokes = 11% more likely you smoke

Luckily, it works the other way too for positive attributes. For example, happiness.

• 1st Degree: Your friend is happy = 15% more likely your are happy
• 2nd Degree: A friend of your friend is happy = 10% more likely your are happy
• 3rd Degree: A friend of a friend of your friend = 6% more likely your are happy

The data is compelling, but what do you do with it? 

Start surveying friends? Ask them their body fat percentage, smoking habits, and to list their chainsmoking fat friends…

Probs not (but maybe?).

Yet this friendship network effect is too powerful to ignore. So here’s a framework and set of actions to take instead.

Friendships are like magnets. You attract friends with similar interests and traits. Growing up, your magnets attracted friendships at school or on sports teams. As interests evolve with time, so do your magnets. New experiences attract new friendships (work friends, new hobbies, etc) and repel others.

But what happens if you never let go of the old magnets? The magnets that keep you stuck in old relationships, friendships, or even jobs. This is the hidden force that creates misalignment and undesirable network effects.

How do you update your magnets and the energy you attract?

Enter: the AIM flywheel.

By adjusting your AIM, you attract new energy into your life. Here’s how.

Actions → Interests → Magnets

Your actions spark your interests. Your interests contribute to the magnets you put into the world and the energy you attract.

Actions ✅

The flywheel never starts if you don’t do this part.  The key is to just get going. Start small. Start anywhere, just start. This is where you train yourself to act on your instincts.

• Text a friend the next time they pop into your head, “hey amigo just was thinking about you 🙂 ”
• Make an introduction for two people who’d benefit from knowing each other
• Go to that event or dinner party you’re curious about

Luck is a function of surface area. Your actions increase your surface area of luck.

Want to start a podcast or blog or side project? Do it. It’s how you kickstart your flywheel.

Interests ​ ✨

Actions spark interests.

By taking action you uncover new interests you maybe didn’t know existed.

The more you learn or the better you get at something — the more interesting it becomes. And the more interested you are the easier it is to take further action. (This flywheel thing is pretty cool, right?)

Magnets 🧲

The last step is a natural progression but is often missed.

What you work on (actions) contributes to the magnets you create and the people you attract.

Creating leveraged magnets increase your surface area of connections. Instead of attending dinners or events, maybe you can host. Instead of consuming articles and tweets, maybe you can create them. Instead of listening to interesting interviews, you host them on your podcast.

Quick Example

I learned about the above obesity study from an article written by David Burkus. David is an organizational psychologist and wrote a book on the hidden power of our friendships.

I was curious about the concept so I read more about it and wrote this blog post to explore it. (Action + Interest).

I also followed David on Twitter. Since I’ve shared my work history and interests on Twitter (Magnets), David followed me back and shot me this message.

The network effect of friends is an invisible force in everyone’s life.

But by adjusting our AIM, we can proactively guide our actions and the energy we attract in the world.